Problem #8: "Just Friends."

Is it ever really possible to be "just friends" with an ex? Sometimes. A lot of times it's best to just leave things clean-cut, stop talking completely, and move on, so your heart can heal. But it's not always that simple, and there are some people that are worth keeping in your life, even after a break-up. It might be a little rough at first, but in time, it's possible to make a friendship work.

But you must be tactful...

• Take a break. Would you try to run a marathon the day after having knee surgery? Absolutely not. So don't start this new-found friendship immediately after breaking up. You both need time and space. I've referenced to this before, but I would give yourself a minimum of a 60-day detox period where you don't make any contact, at all. However, this doesn't work for everyone. It could take two months, or two years, depending on the severity of the breakup, to be ready to try out this friendship thing. But regardless, you both need time to get over it, and talking during this mourning period will not help. 

Okay, so you've taken a break and now you both want to try and be friends. Just make sure you...

• Set emotional boundaries. Feeling sad? Upset about something? Don't go to him. That's what your close friends are for. Keep your friendship simple. Also, don't try to analyze what went wrong in your relationship. If you really need closure with him, wait until your head is clear and you're not feeling too emotional about the subject. But there's no reason to keep this dragging on.
• Keep your friendship platonic. What does that mean? No kissing, no flirting, no hand-holding, oh, and no sex. Ever. No, consuming alcohol isn't a good excuse for it. Keep things simple, being "friends with benefits" after breaking up doesn't work, there are almost always feelings involved.
• Get back out there. Date other guys. But don't talk about it with your ex. Jealousy will undermine any friendship, and it will probably just make you look desperate and immature. In time, maybe you can talk about your respective relationships, but not now.

If either of you start to feel more than friendly toward the other, this friendship probably isn't working. Give yourself more space. If both of you develop feelings for each other again, well then whatever happens, happens. I almost want to put the sentence I just wrote in fine print, because the purpose of trying to be friends is to be friends, not to make him realize how great you were and make him want you back. If that's the case, you're in it for the wrong reasons. I'll leave it at that.

<3